Calm On The Horizon
by Kurissyma san Tybalt
Summary: HAPPY BELATED BIRTHDAY MIKO NEKO-ONEESAN! Wakka reflects on his past with Lulu as he awaits the dawning of the final day in Zanarkand. Pairings: Lulu/Wakka, suggestions of past Lulu/Chappu


_**Calm On The Horizon** (Happy Birthday, oneechan)_

**…………………………………………………**

Lu never believes me when I tell her I remember that day, but I do, ya know? She was five and I was six. Her hair was in these thick black pigtails tied with huge bows and hung with bells at the ends, and she was wearing a light blue sleeveless dress that puffed out from the waist. She was also holding on for death life to what seemed to be the weirdest looking, most gruesome looking teddy bear imaginable. I swear to Yevon, she was. I remember because she was the most beautiful thing I'd ever seen.

-

_"Are you for real, Pigtails?" the red-haired youth called out, halting mid-stroke and flailing a bit to keep himself afloat as the dark-haired child clambered greenly off the ferry and onto the dock above him._

_"No, no I'm not," she called back in a voice that quavered with seasickness. "I'm just a figment of your imagination, so leave me alone!"_

_Intrigued, the boy swam his hardest and best to shore in an effort to impress her. It went unnoticed as she walked on, unfazed, in the direction of the village._

_"Hey! Hey, Pigtails! Wait up, ya??" he yelled as he sprinted breathlessly after her. "What'cha doing here? What's ya name??"_

_The little girl only hugged her plushie tighter and walked firmly ahead._

_"Hey! Hey, wait!" the boy continued to call after her. "Didn't you see me swim just then? I bet you don't know how, right? I could teach you!!"_

_Silence._

_"My name's Wakka! What's yours??"_

_-_

I remember how she ignored me all the way back to the village. She didn't ignore Chappu.

-

_"Hey, Pigtails! WAIT already, won'cha?? I wanna talk to ya!" Wakka panted as he finally reached the girl's side, despite her efforts to the contrary. "What's up with you ditching me, Pigtails?"_

_Still, the girl was silent._

_"Hey, Pigtails! I SAID—!"_

_"Hold it, big brother. I betcha she's not allowed to talk to strangers. Right, Miss?"_

_The girl nodded slowly._

_"Did your mummy and daddy tell you that? Are they here?"_

_A nod and a shake respectively_

_Chappu looked up at his scowling older brother triumphantly. "See, bro? She's just doing what her parents say, ya?"_

_The girl seemed relieved and began to look around slowly._

_"Hey, Miss. What are you looking for?" Chappu asked then. "It's okay. You can talk to us, right? It's the grown-ups you gotta be careful of. My name's Chappu. I'm 4."_

_The girl replied almost instantly then._

_"It's very nice to meet you, Mr Chappu."_

-

Her accent was the most beautiful, most exotic thing I had ever heard, and I decided then and there that I wanted to hear it every day for the rest of my life, but she still didn't wanna speak to me.

-

_"Hey, Pigtails. Ain'cha got a name?" asked Wakka, rocking back onto his heels in what he deemed a rather impressive feat of balance._

_"'Course I do, Carrot-Tops. Just like anyone!" the girl replied sharply. "But I've gotta find the temple and tell it to the summ'ner there. Not to some snotty little boy like you!"_

_"Snotty!!" Wakka replied indignantly. "I ain't not one bit snotty! 'N fact, I'll bet you're a lot more snotty 'n me! **I **got my own hanky!"_

_The girl didn't seem to find this impressive either. Rather, she simply maintained her silence and turned back to Chappu. "Could you be so kind, Mr Chappu, as to show me to the temple?"_

_Chappu replied that of course he would be happy to, and off they went._

-

That night I fought Chappu for her. He said he didn't really care when I won but I knew that he did. He thought that she was just as exotic, just as beautiful as I did. But with Chappu and me, a promise was a promise and even as we got older and Lu became more and more attracted to him and him to her, he didn't break it, same as a promise 'bout anything. So because of that fight and every day since it, Lu was mine. When we sat on the beach that one time and she cried because she thought Chappu wasn't interested in her, she was mine, and when she kissed Chappu behind the rocks on his 10th birthday and he ran to me and cried too because he wanted to be with her so much, despite everything, she was still mine. I couldn't part with what I won that day and even when I finally agreed to, I never really accepted it.

-

_"Do you think Chappu really likes me, Carrot-Tops," Lulu asked one day, during her sixth summer on Besaid._

_"I dunno, Pigtails," the twelve-year-old boy replied in a voice that he swore was deeper than it had been when they'd met, but wasn't really any different at all. "Maybe he does, maybe he doesn't. Y'never know with a guy like Chappu."_

_"I suppose he's had lots of girlfriends then… a guy like Chappu."_

_"Oh yeah. Thousands."_

_He hadn't. He hadn't had one._

_"I don't go out with guys like that," Lulu informed him proudly._

_"Nah," Wakka agreed. "You shouldn't."_

_"Say… You ever had a girlfriend, Carrot-Tops?"_

-

My heart jumped when she asked me that. Did she even notice? It skipped not only one but several beats. I thought I might die. But no, she probably didn't notice. Why would she? She had only eyes for Chappu, even then.

-

_"No, I suppose you wouldn't have, huh, Carrot-Tops…?" she sighed in answer to her own question. "Someone like Chappu can't help but have tonnes of admirers, though..."_

_"No," Wakka grudgingly agreed. Then— "…Are you sure you didn't want me to teach you how to swim? You could –uhh— fall off the ferry or something. And that'd be trouble, right?"_

_"…I'm sure Chappu would save me."_

-

She was so infuriating. But I still loved her…

-

Sometimes Lu and me would talk about the future. It was a bleak sort of future, I thought. One in which she was always married to Chappu, I was always the best man, and little sister Yuna was always the flower girl.

-

When Yuna was six I taught her to swim. Lulu watched but refused to join in. I always thought that she was embarrassed because she was eleven already and didn't want anyone to know that she couldn't, and I even teased her about it sometimes. I shouldn't have, I realised soon after. She was scared, so I shouldn't have.

-

The year I turned fifteen, Lulu almost drowned.

-

_It was getting late by the time Chappu showed up. He was running late as usual, which of course Lulu thought was so cool, even though it was her birthday surprise they were missing out on. Normally cool and composed, Wakka was getting anxious by that time and rather difficult to be around because of it. The tide would be coming in shortly, he pressed over and over again, and when it did, all of his effort and planning would go to waste. All because of Chappu. Damn him. Why did he always have to ruin **everything**??_

_"Can we go now, Pigtails? It's getting dark, ya?_

_"**We're** ready to go," Lulu replied in a slightly irritated tone that make Wakka's blood boil. "We need **you** to lead the way, since this is your big idea!"_

_Wakka had to fight to keep the scowl from his face as he turned and caught Lulu looping her arm through Chappu's out of the corner of his eye._

_Bloody nuisance._

_He hadn't even been invited._

-

It was a good surprise. I remember how I spent weeks planning it 'n making sure everything would be perfect. But then Lulu and Chappu had had to sneak off while I was getting the cake from where I'd hidden it, and even though I'd spent so long organising her big surprise she never got to see it. I was so mad. I searched the woods and the beaches for hours before I found Chappu. He was standing on the edge of a small-ish cliff. Lu was noticeably absent.

-

_"Where is she??" Wakka yelled over the clamorous roar of the wind. "Where did she go?"_

_"I don't know!!" Chappu yelled back, though his brother was standing only a metre from his side. "She was just here and then she was gone!!"_

_Wakka could have hit him._

_"You never should have taken your eyes off her!" he roared angrily._

_**He** wouldn't have. He would have been watching her. He would have appreciated her. So why did she always chose Chappu over him? No matter what he did?_

_"I… It was only for a moment!" Chappu exclaimed defensively. "And, well… I thought she might have fallen into the water—" he gestured down to the black water swirling below them. "—But if she had, she surely would have swum to shore by now and come lookin' for me, right?"_

-

My heart stopped. But not in that good way that Lu's presence usually caused it to. Her absence made it much, much worse.

-

_"Chappu, she can't **swim!!**"_

-

How could he not have known that? How could he not have known that??

-

_Chappu pussyfooted around nervously, clearly uncertain of how he was expected to reply to such as statement. Wakka, meanwhile, didn't so much as strip off a scrap of clothing—merely dove straight in._

_When he surfaced, he could hear his brother yelling what sounded like nonsense at him, and he tuned it out. He needed to find Lulu. He called for her. Not "Pigtails" for once, but "Lulu"—perhaps for the first time ever._

-

That was the scariest night of my life. Hours passed. I thought she surely must be dead.

-

It was the early hours of the morning when I found her. I'd avoided going back to the beach the usual way since I didn't want to face Chappu and the others without her just yet. I didn't even know if I could. Instead, I continued swimming, though rather more sluggishly toward a smaller, closer bay. It was an easy, non-taxing swim and the current favoured it. Additionally, there was a nice, high, dry perch on the rocks where I could sit for a while and think. Mourn. It hardly seemed real. Lulu, gone? She couldn't be. My aching muscles were light in comparison to my heart.

-

_It was his favourite perch, atop that rock. He'd been going there for years, but never once in any one of those years had he found it occupied._

_In no circumstances could he have been happier to find it so occupied._

_"Lulu!!"_

_The dark silhouette jolted upwards at the call, the characteristically glinting bells reflecting the vague early morning light and jingling now in her dark hair._

_"Wakka, thank **Yevon!**"_

-

I'd never told her I loved her before that day, not even in a purely platonic way, but I told her a million times that night. My heart soared when she said it back.

-

No one was surprised when we returned the next day. Out of shame, Chappu hadn't told a soul what had happened—what he had allowed to happen. He'd been planning to leave that to me, I supposed. Lulu wasn't at all happy, but she seemed to forgive him quickly enough, and while she never again mentioned what had passed between her and me that night, I remained convinced that it was something beautiful and spiritual. Best of all though, it was something I shared with her that Chappu didn't. Most certainly 'best of all'.

-

Soon after that event followed Lulu's first pilgrimage. It was a failure, as so many are and, having lost her summoner barely halfway through and having come so close to losing her own life once again, she was traumatised by it. We talked a lot more after that, however, because it was something that she could never discuss with Chappu and never with Yuna. That would have been too cruel.

-

Owing to this newfound confidence, perhaps, it was the summer after her return that she finally allowed me to teach her to swim. However, this was often made more difficult by her insistence that the lessons be private and at night. I would never have agreed though, if I knew that she was learning in preparation for her next pilgrimage. The first time was difficult enough for me.

-

About a week or so into our lessons, Lu and me shared our first kiss. …It was more of a bump really. Or it was at first… The way I remember it, it was her who made it something more, but it's possible that that was always just wishful thinking. But then we were kissing and it was the most amazing thing ever and that night as we lay on the beach under the stars I promised her that no matter what I'd be with her forever.

-

_"Don't say forever," Lulu said, staring up at the stars wistfully. "Say… a year or so. And if that works out, then another year. And then another, if you can. But don't say forever."_

_"But I **mean** forever, Lu!" Wakka persisted enthusiastically, as he rolled over onto his side to face her. "I **mean **forever. I'll never leave you!"_

_Still she was adamant._

_"Forever is too long," she said and Wakka's brow furrowed a bit in frustration._

_"Forever," he insisted. " I've loved you since I was six years old."_

-

I didn't understand at first why she was being so difficult and I persisted well into the night, then into the morning and the next few weeks. Every morning when I awoke, no matter what time, I'd tiptoe past Chappu's bed and scamper over to Lulu's hut just to tell her that I still loved her and to remind her: forever. Every morning she'd give me that same sad smile. There was reason to her reservations, I know now—I knew it then too, but I didn't want to believe it. The reason being: she had already agreed to accompany Father Zuke on her second pilgrimage.

-

_Wakka didn't know what to say. After the trauma of her last pilgrimage how could he have expected this? How could he have forseen that the planning for this pilgrimage would begin almost immediately upon her return? And how, in Yevon's name, could he possibly have prepared for this moment where she must inevitably leave him, perhaps forever?_

_It was not to be born, he decided immediately._

_"Then I'm comin' with you, ya?" he replied forcefully and when she protested he silenced her—something he almost never did. "I'm **comin' with you**, Lulu. I promised you forever, remember?"_

_She did remember. How could she forget when that was what hurt the most?_

_"It'll be dangerous, Wakka, and your brother needs you here," she told him, though it was an excuse more than anything. "You can't come with me, Wakka."_

_"This isn't **about** Chappu, ya!! Why should this have **anything** to do with Chappu??" The real intent of the words was unspoken but clearly heard ('It's me you love best… isn't it?')_

_"…This has everything to do with Chappu, " Lulu replied quietly. "He wants to join the crusaders, Wakka. If there's no Sin, he won't have to."_

-

My heart dropped into my stomach just then. It was about Chappu, I realised. Just like always, it was all about Chappu! I felt sick. I had to leave.

-

_"Wakka! Come back and be **reasonable** here!"_

_"NO!"_

_Lulu flinched visibly at the tone of his voice._

_"I'm **sick to death** of everything being all about **Chappu**! I **love** you, Lulu!"_

_"…Big brother?_"

-

I broke two hearts that day, and I was alone for a very long time after that…

-

_"Lulu, WAIT! Don't go!!"_

_"Wakka, this was settled months ago," Lulu sighed, soft and sympathetic even now as she abandoned her packing and cleared some space on the bed for them both to sit. "Please don't make leaving any more difficult for us both than it already is."_

_"I'm not," Wakka swore fervently, too nervous to sit and inside maintaining his position standing by the door. "I'm going to make it easier."_

_"Mm?"_

_"I'm coming with you."_

-

She didn't want me to come. I know she didn't. And she fought me at first, but I wouldn't be stopped. I even took it to Father Zuke and he agreed that he would be happy to have me. Lulu huffed and stalked away, but it was okay because I knew that she was just worried about me. And Chappu. As usually it was Lulu who was the reasonable one… But I couldn't be reasonable with her gone. She stole that capability from me.

-

Lulu didn't speak to me at first. Even once we'd left she maintained total silence. And then Sin attacked the boat and she fell over and she didn't come up. And I broke the first rule of being a Guardian: I left my summoner unprotected and I dove in after her.

-

I think Father Zuke understood, and Lulu couldn't help but speak to me after that.

-

_"I froze, Wakka," she whispered uncertainly, her words muffled against her forearms, folded on her knees. "Some distant part of me **remembered** what you taught me, but I just **froze**! …What if something had happened to Father Zuke?"_

_"Then something would'a happened to Father Zuke, ya."_

_Lulu didn't appear comforted by this statement._

_"I mean it, Lu," Wakka persisted firmly. "You are the most important thing in the world to me. I want you to know that. Above Father Zuke, above **Spira. **My world revolves around **you**, Lu."_

-

I could see that she was touched by my words. She was quite visibly so. However, I could also see that she could not return them, which seemed to make her uncomfortable. So after that day I never mentioned it again.

-

_"**Damn**, that's one hot chick, ya?!" Wakka exclaimed loudly as their party passed a particular young blonde girl for about the eighth time that day, receiving cold looks from the other two members of his party as he did so. "What?" he said blankly, staring as though he had no idea what was bothering them._

_While Lulu merely huffed and walked on ahead, Father Zuke leaned closer to Wakka and whispered suggestively, "Have some compassion, boy," before following Lulu away._

_Wakka himself dropped behind in a huff. That's what he'd been **trying** to do, didn't they see?! He was taking the pressure off Lulu by talking about other women in the same way!_

_…Or at least: a similar way. He was sure he could never bring himself to call **Lulu** something so dehumanising, derogatory, as 'hot chick'. He was also sure that she'd never let him._

_But women were just so complicated, who knows… Maybe she'd **welcome** it._

-

My efforts continued in this way for quite some time, but Lulu only appeared to grow more and more frustrated. At first, I was certain that, without the pressure of my affections, it was merely the stress of the journey as we approached the place where her last pilgrimage had so abruptly ended, but when we reached the Calm Lands and made the decision to turn back, she remained just the same. I tried commenting on one last girl, just to check, and she snapped. Disappeared, not to be seen for days. When she returned, she would not speak, merely headed off back the way we had come and left Father Zuke and I to follow.

-

_"Hey, Lulu… Are you bothered that Father Zuke wanted to call off the Pilgrimage?"_

_"…No."_

_"Are you relieved?"_

_"…"_

_"I am."_

_Lulu smiled gratefully—the first smile he'd seen from her in a while now, however tinged with sadness._

_"It's nice to see you smilin', Lu," Wakka said, before the words had so much as registered in his mind. "I've— Honestly, I've missed that a lot these past few weeks."_

_"…This pilgrimage has taken quite a toll on me, I fear," Lulu returned quietly and though Wakka wanted desperately to ask her whether or not that was the **only** reason, he couldn't bring himself to._

_"I understand that," he replied instead, looking up at the stars contemplatively. "Hey… Do you think Yuna will really wanna do the Pilgrimage when she gets older, Lu?"_

_"This whole thing… It's her life, her dream..."_

_"It's her last connection to her father."_

_Lulu looked surprised by his insightfulness and nodded slowly. "I think she'd do it now if she could."_

-

We never wanted to see you go, Yuna. Not like this… But as it is, tonight may be our last night together, and still the worry at the forefront of my mind is this woman here in my arms, sleeping so restlessly that I have to hold her to keep her from hurting herself. My Lulu, my love. Forever. Despite everything.

-

"You should go to sleep, Wakka," Yuna says and I know that I should. I'm so tired. But I want to watch over Lulu this last night. Knowing that we might die tomorrow and never see the Calm, I want tonight at least to be peaceful for her. "Wakka?" she prompts and I realised that I haven't answered. I move to shake my head silently in reply.

"Go to sleep, Wakka. I'm fine," Lulu mumbles in a fretful sort of almost-awareness. "I'll keep watch, since I can't sleep anyway."

It's plain to see that she's in no condition to. Firmly, I pulled her back to me and sooth her with my hands, rubbing her back and neck and holding her gently against my chest. She feels so good in my arms and I realise that I've missed it these past few years.

Yuna nods a little and looks around her. "Where's Tidus?" she asks worriedly.

Oddly, I don't seem to recall him leaving. Some watch I am.

I begin to tell her that I don't know but then I see him, sitting over on a high ledge, watching us. He doesn't look like he wants to be disturbed and I understand that. I tell Yuna not to worry and to go to sleep and, reluctantly, she does so.

"You too, Wakka," Lulu sighs to me and I hear in her voice and feel from her half-hearted touch just how tired she is. It emanates from her like a sickness, permeating darkness, infecting all it touches.

For a while, we are silent, codominant in our mutual stubbornness, and then she reaches up and she kisses me softly. It only lasts a moment but I am reassured:

Even if the world ends tomorrow, we'll have forever somewhere.

-

And as I sleep that night with her in my arms, I can feel the calm on the horizon.


End file.
